Another epiphany..

Okay, so something just hit me today. As we all know, I have been trying to figure out why my temperature is always higher in the morning, upon wakening and then dropping as the day progresses. The past two days, I have been mostly bed written or at least lying down because of a sore neck/back. I took my temperature and it reached 36,7 degrees Celsius both days! As soon as I get up and about, it drops almost instantly. The opposite happens when I lye down. Here is my theory: My body is still in famine and any training or just moving around in general, is a threat to my metabolism and it therefor lowers my temperature instantly, to protect it from further energy loss.
When I was in Hungary, we walked around a lot and I am sure I didn't eat enough calories to keep up with that. I had crazy cold hands and feet on the whole trip and I noticed, when I came back, my appetite suddenly increased tremendously and I became very exhausted and tired the following days/weeks. Also, I expected my period around the 4'th but it never came, although I had all the signs; breast tenderness/increase, mild discomfort in abdomen and depressed mood/mood swings.
Conclusion: Stay in bed all day. LOL! That of course is not a sustainable option but it sure explains why I still have no desire to train, what so ever. I guess I need to be more aware of not requiring more of my body, that it can deliver, at this point (which is very little). I guess its weird to realize that my body is a lot weaker than I first thought. All the signs are there, that I can't push too hard and if I do, I will most definitely pay the prize, straight away.
I need to work hard on not working hard. Rest is key.

Please forgive me..

I have now been RRARFing for 2 months. One thing it has definitely cleared by now, is my dizzy spells and low resting pulse. Going from 40 bpm to 60, is a big improvement! I still feel it could get a bit higher, when you take in consideration that I haven't been exercising at all. I've read that a RP in the eighties indicates a well functioning metabolism. My periods is still not stable, I'm still waiting for this month. My hair has not seen any improvement. I still have trouble with my water/sodium balance. This is a sign for me that my adrenals haven't fully recovered, since the hormone aldosterone (regulates the water/sodium balance) is also managed by the adrenals. I believe when they are healed, my water retention will also go away.
I am still in two minds about if I should start doing some workouts again. I'm really trying to listen to my body at this time and not do what I have always done, which is; Just do it. If I listen closely, I still don't want to work out. The question is, do I trust my body's signals or am I just getting too comfortable not doing any training?? My logic tells me, if my body is healthy, it would want to exercise and use energy. If it's still trying to heal a damaged metabolism, it wouldn't want to use any energy, other than on fixing the body. Hmm.. I guess I just kinda answered that my self ;-) I'll wait a little longer.

Today I did some thinking/reflecting to as WHEN I really started doing some serious havoc on my body. I guess it's no surprise that competition diets is not doing any favors for the body. I noticed that every competition prep got harder and harder, over the years. But at my last comp, I really reached my ultimate best condition. I did 1 hour and 40mins at the end of my diet, plus my weight sessions. I was at the lowest body fat in my life! Even my legs (which is most girls problem area due to estrogen) had deep separations! My cheeks was totally sunken in. When you look/feel more dead than alive, you know you have reached your goal (pretty sick, huh?)!
On top of that, I had a lot of things going on in my life, I did some hardcore partying too (just minus the party) and totally overdid the dieting (I have no idea how my body managed to stay alive on the minimum of calories I was consuming. To make matters worse, I was on the show Survivor, which meant real starvation was a reality!
I never gave my body the time to heal from what I had put it through. I never did a re-feed  for real. For 2 days after the comp, I ate whatever I wanted and then jumped right back in the saddle. I remember having ravenous hunger afterwards but I ignored it or killed it with drugs (I was in a pretty bad place).

Today I realized, I am paying for all of that now. The dieting, the overexercising, the partying -EVERYTHING! I totally abused my body back then and instead of resting and re-feeding, I just continued the abuse and never looked back.

Poor body, what have I done to you.. I am so, so sorry.. Please forgive me..

I'm back!

I absolutely adore Hungary! I love how they live so primitive! I wouldn't mind moving there, at all! We had awesome weather! Sun, sun, sun, even though it was chilly. We went to the Thermal bath, which is steamy hot mineral water, coming from deep in the ground. It's about 70 degrees Celsius when it hits the pool and about 40 all over the pool. It.s an outside pool and people come on all times of the day, even though the weather is minus degrees. It's been told that people have been cured of various skin diseases, from this water. When ever we went there, we filled up bottles and brought them back home, to use as drinking water. My skin sure felt amazing and soft afterwards.
The food is so cheap, we felt like kings when going out for dinner! Goulash soup was one of my favorites and of course their yummy desserts!
I also got a dentist appointment while I was there, because it is so much cheaper than in my country.
On our last night, we went to a 5 star hotel and ate their buffet. It's a shame the human body doesn't come with an extra stomach, I sure could have used it that evening. LOL! After dinner we went to the hotel bar and got drinks. We were smoking water pipe while watching belly dance, surrounded by the most awesome live band, which played something that reminded of Spanish music.
i didn't get to taste any raw milk as we ran out of time but their milk, butter and cheese in general tasted fantastic because their cows all are grass fed and they don't destroy the fat particles with centrifugation. I ate a fair bit of white bread because it's a tradition there. I tried getting hold of oats but without any luck. The closest resembling of oats I could find, didn't dissolve in hot water so I'm not sure exactly what it was.
My stomach totally clenched on me. I think it was the lack of proper fiber. On the same note, my stomach always does that when I am on vacation. I couldn't sleep either. Probably from all the excitement. It doesn't take much to mess up my sleep pattern (which is pretty messed up anyway.LOL) It's weird because the room I slept in had a fireplace and the softest bed ever! I lay under the covers and just listened to the soft warm crackling fire -like just out of a movie... Ahhhh.. Maybe that was the problem. I was enjoying myself too much, looking at the fire, that I didn't want to close my eyes.
My grandmother was with us too and we were the only two people who ran in between each other, to the toilet, all night. The only difference is that my granny is 85 years old! My bladder doesn't seem to get that though ;-P
I had colds hands and feet on the whole trip. Not even the Thermal bath could fix that. Only 10 mins after I got up, they were ice cold again. I have been told once by a doctor, that my cold hands and feet are related to kidney problems. That could maybe also explain my bladder problems.
I couldn't help from noticing the body shape of the general Hungarians. All the elderly people had the pot belly! The young people was generally slim though.
All though the country is poor, they seem content.

Catch you later Health -Hungary, here I come!

My status is as follows: My temperature has dropped more than half a degree (from 36.5 to 36) since my first month on RRARF. This is morning readings. Later on is a different story, since it drops further, during the day/evening. Cold hands and feet. Yesterday I wrapped my feet in a blanket, in an attempt  to defrost the two giant ice cubes there were attached to them. NO luck what so ever.
I have gained more weight, since I was sick for a little week. I still have no desire to exercise. I'm actually pretty lethargic in general.
I've been studying my old lab results again and researching a whole lot. I'm thinking it might not be a thyroid problem but a pituitary problem. The last doctor I went to, suggested this as well. I'm thinking I have way to many hormonal issues for this to only be a thyroid issue. But then again, everything depends on proper thyroid function, just like everything depends on a healthy pituitary. Again, everything seems to come down to the chicken or egg question..
On a good note, I am leaving for Hungary tomorrow! My moms boyfriend owns a house there and the family is going for a 4 day trip. It's my first time there so it should be exiting. I am going to taste raw grass fed cow milk, while I am there -looking forward to that. I wish I could bring some home with me because it is impossible to get where I live.
 

Huston -we have a fever!

I am finally (almost) over my sickness, I "only" have this nasty sinus infection left, which makes every cough a living nightmare of drumming headache. My mom is now treating it with her laser gun (don't even ask but it has said to cure a sinus headache so I am willing to give it a try)! besides that, I have been lying on a magnetic madras (it's meant for increasing blood flow and relaxation). In my case it shows my body is very stressed so it should be interesting to see if my state improves. My mom is very much into all that and all though I have been very skeptical, I am at this point willing to try everything (within sanity) to help me on my healing journey.
Another peculiar thing has happened. I have had an above normal temperature which I recall is referred to as "having a temperature"! I haven't had a temperature while being sick, since early childhood! At one point it reached 37,7 (still with cold hands and feet though)
While I was sick, I didn't have much of an appetite, which is also something that is new to me! I'm normally more hungry when sick. The result of that of course, was that I ate less. I now pay for that. Today I woke up with a temperature reading of 35,6! Great, back from where I started :-/
I am a bit in two minds with this, on one hand, I want to listen to my body, eat when it wants and back off when it ask for that too, but if it is at the cost of my precious temperature, I am not sure how to go about this..
Maybe I need to force down more calories but then I wont really be listening to my body?

Sick weekend!

Great! It's the weekend and I am celebrating by being sick! I started getting a throat yesterday and today is not any better. I've had a lot of "trouble" with my neck, while on RARRF/HED. I can't help from thinking if it has anything to do with my thyroid. I've actually had a lot of days where I have been feeling sick. I'm normally not sick at all! I can only explain it by my body is working on these new adjustments and trying to figure out where the new homeostasis is.
I continue to have trouble keeping my temperature up. I think I need to take a second look at my intake and make more of an effort to barf down more calories. I am getting more and more convinced that the suddenly increase in temperature, in the beginning, was due to my period coming up. I know that womens temperature are supposed to be a little higher during that time.
My breast tenderness had just come down a bit but is now in full throttle again! I am also lactating like a pregnant women! -Talk about my body being confused! LOL!

My Britney Spears moment...

My hair loss hasn't gotten any better so today I cut it all off with a hair trimmer. I have about 3cm all over. I have been thinking about it for a while now and finally got the guts to actually do it.  It was a very liberating feeling. I am now done with counting every hair I loose, worrying and trying to cover up the loss. I hate that I am so obsessed with it. Why is that? It's just hair, I keep telling myself. Hopefully this new hairdo will set me free ;-)
I have been having trouble with keeping my temperature up. At one point, it dropped all the way down to 35,5 degrees Celsius :-( I don't know why, other than I possibly have consumed less calories some days.. -Well not drastically, just a little less some days, just to see how my body would react when manipulating with my caloric intake. See how hard it is to escape that bodybuilding-mind of thinking? I just really miss my rock hard body I guess..